BE EVIL! Why You Should Watch Troll 2, A Movie I'd Never Watch Again

Let's dive into the depths of cinematic regret and explore the realm of films so terrible, so mind-numbingly awful, that they become morbidly fascinating. The goal here isn't to recommend a hidden gem or a misunderstood masterpiece. Oh no, we're aiming for the bottom of the barrel, the cinematic black hole from which no enjoyment can escape. We want films that are so bad, they're almost good, or maybe just memorably, hilariously awful. So, buckle up, butter your popcorn (you'll need the comfort food), and prepare to be convinced to watch a movie I, in my right mind, would never subject myself to again.

The Allure of Awful: Why Subject Yourself to Cinematic Pain?

Before I launch into my specific recommendation, let's address the elephant in the room: why would anyone want to watch a truly bad movie? There's a certain twisted pleasure in witnessing a spectacular failure, a train wreck of filmmaking that defies all logic and good taste. It's like watching a magician's trick go horribly wrong – you know you shouldn't be enjoying the spectacle, but you can't help but stare. Bad movies offer a unique form of entertainment. They can be unintentionally hilarious, providing moments of pure comedic gold. The bizarre plot twists, the wooden acting, the questionable special effects – it all adds up to a viewing experience unlike any other. Moreover, watching bad movies can be a bonding experience. Gathering with friends to collectively mock a terrible film is a time-honored tradition, a shared experience that creates lasting memories (and inside jokes). It's a chance to let loose, laugh at the absurdity, and marvel at the depths of cinematic depravity. Ultimately, indulging in a truly awful movie can make you appreciate the good ones even more. It's a stark reminder of the artistry and skill that goes into creating a quality film. After enduring a cinematic disaster, you'll likely emerge with a newfound appreciation for competent direction, compelling storytelling, and talented performances. So, embrace the awful, and prepare for a journey into the depths of cinematic despair.

My Recommendation: "Troll 2" - The Pinnacle of Poor Filmmaking

If we're talking about movies I'd never watch again, but want you to experience (at least once), my top pick has to be the legendary "Troll 2". Now, before you ask, no, it has absolutely nothing to do with the original "Troll" movie, nor does it feature a single troll in the traditional sense. Instead, we're treated to a cast of vegetarian goblins who attempt to turn a family into plants so they can eat them. Yes, you read that right. The plot is nonsensical, the acting is atrocious, and the special effects are laughably bad. But that's precisely what makes "Troll 2" so captivatingly awful. From the infamous "Oh my gooooooooooood!" scene to the green slime that inexplicably oozes from everything, "Troll 2" is a masterclass in unintentional comedy. The dialogue is stilted, the characters are bizarre, and the pacing is glacial. Yet, despite (or perhaps because of) all its flaws, "Troll 2" has achieved cult status, becoming a beloved example of so-bad-it's-good cinema. It's a film that needs to be seen to be believed, a cinematic experience that will leave you scratching your head and chuckling in disbelief. The film's director, Claudio Fragasso, clearly had a vision, even if that vision involved goblins, vegetarianism, and copious amounts of green slime. The actors, bless their hearts, deliver their lines with a sincerity that only amplifies the absurdity of the situation. "Troll 2" is a reminder that even the most well-intentioned projects can go horribly, hilariously wrong. It's a testament to the power of bad filmmaking, a cinematic disaster that has somehow become a cherished cult classic. So, if you're looking for a movie that will challenge your sanity and tickle your funny bone, look no further than "Troll 2." Just be prepared to question everything you thought you knew about cinema.

The Horrors and Hilariousness of "Troll 2": A Scene-by-Scene Breakdown

To truly convince you to watch "Troll 2," I need to delve into the specifics, highlighting the moments of sheer cinematic brilliance (or, more accurately, sheer cinematic madness). Let's start with the plot, which, as I mentioned before, revolves around a family vacation gone horribly wrong. The Waits family – Michael, his wife Diana, and their two children, Joshua and Holly – decide to spend their vacation in the small town of Nilbog (that's "goblin" spelled backwards, for those playing at home). Unbeknownst to them, Nilbog is inhabited by vegetarian goblins who have a penchant for turning humans into plants so they can devour them. The first sign that things are amiss comes in the form of Joshua's deceased grandfather, who appears to him as a ghost, warning him about the goblins' nefarious plans. This sets the stage for a series of increasingly bizarre events, including encounters with goblin-infested ice cream, green slime that seems to appear out of nowhere, and a truly unforgettable séance scene. One of the most iconic moments in "Troll 2" is the aforementioned "Oh my gooooooooooood!" scene, in which Joshua, terrified by the sight of goblins transforming food, unleashes a prolonged, high-pitched scream that has become legendary in the bad movie community. The delivery is so over-the-top, so devoid of genuine emotion, that it's impossible not to laugh. The goblins themselves are a sight to behold. They're not the cute, cuddly trolls you might expect; instead, they're grotesque, green-skinned creatures with pointy ears and menacing grins. Their costumes are clearly low-budget, adding to the film's overall charm (or lack thereof). And then there's the acting, which is consistently wooden and unnatural. The actors seem to be struggling to deliver their lines with any semblance of conviction, resulting in performances that are both baffling and hilarious. Diana's vacant stares, Michael's over-the-top reactions, and Holly's general air of confusion all contribute to the film's unique brand of awfulness. In short, "Troll 2" is a cinematic experience unlike any other. It's a film that defies categorization, a glorious mess that has earned its place in the pantheon of bad movies. So, if you're ready to embrace the awful, prepare yourself for a journey to Nilbog – you won't be disappointed (or maybe you will, but you'll still be entertained).

Beyond the Laughter: Finding Value in the Valley of Bad Cinema

While "Troll 2" is undeniably a terrible movie, there's a strange sort of value to be found in its awfulness. Beyond the unintentional comedy and the sheer absurdity of the plot, "Troll 2" offers a glimpse into the world of low-budget filmmaking, showcasing the challenges and pitfalls that can arise when resources are limited and vision exceeds capability. The film is a testament to the power of passion and determination, even when those qualities are misdirected. The filmmakers clearly had a story they wanted to tell, and they pursued that vision with unwavering dedication, regardless of the end result. In a way, "Troll 2" is an inspiring example of independent filmmaking, a reminder that anyone can pick up a camera and create something, even if that something is utterly, gloriously awful. Moreover, watching "Troll 2" can be a valuable lesson in film criticism. By analyzing the film's many flaws – the weak script, the poor acting, the questionable special effects – you can develop a deeper understanding of what makes a good movie. You can learn to identify the elements that contribute to effective storytelling, compelling performances, and engaging visuals. In essence, "Troll 2" can serve as a sort of anti-film school, teaching you what not to do when making a movie. And finally, as I mentioned earlier, watching bad movies can be a bonding experience. Gathering with friends to collectively mock a film like "Troll 2" is a shared experience that creates lasting memories and inside jokes. It's a chance to let loose, laugh at the absurdity, and revel in the sheer awfulness of it all. So, while "Troll 2" may not be a cinematic masterpiece, it is a cultural phenomenon, a film that has captivated audiences with its sheer ineptitude. It's a movie that will make you laugh, make you cringe, and make you question the very nature of cinema. And in the world of entertainment, that's a pretty remarkable achievement.

The Verdict: Embrace the Awful, Watch "Troll 2"

So, there you have it. My impassioned (and hopefully convincing) plea for you to watch "Troll 2." It's a film I would never willingly subject myself to again, but one I wholeheartedly recommend you experience, at least once. It's a cinematic train wreck of epic proportions, a glorious mess that has earned its place in the pantheon of bad movies. From the nonsensical plot to the wooden acting to the green slime, "Troll 2" is a film that defies logic and good taste. But that's precisely what makes it so captivatingly awful. It's a reminder that even the most well-intentioned projects can go horribly wrong, and that sometimes, the most entertaining films are the ones that are the worst. So, gather your friends, prepare your snacks, and brace yourself for a journey into the depths of cinematic despair. Watch "Troll 2," and you'll never look at movies the same way again. You might even find yourself enjoying it, in a strange, twisted sort of way. After all, sometimes the best way to appreciate good cinema is to immerse yourself in the truly awful. And when it comes to truly awful cinema, "Troll 2" reigns supreme. Just remember, don't eat the ice cream… you never know what the goblins might have put in it.